Broken angel

It was the beginning of December 2017 when I was thinking about a Christmas present for the very special couple. They have been married for many years. They have been supporting each other for as long as you could think of.

It is my step sister and her husband. Their marriage is so pure and beautiful. They do not know I do adore their friendship and the connection. I wanted purely to make them happy and ordered something unique for them.

I have contacted amazing friends I have who makes the most amazing candles. It was a pair candle, an angel couple. The days went by and the package arrived.

When I opened the package I felt sad. The pair candle was fine but the male angel did not have a head. The head was smashed into the sand, destroyed. I have decided to keep it for myself. Someone else would just throw it away but I could not. For me, the candle had a purpose.

It reminds me How much love is missing in my life.....

Today, I was thinking about it again. Yes, few days in 2018 and I felt alone again. Just before my trip to visit my mom, I got myself pretty down. I sat in a car and was just talking to my best friend Gigi. Gigi is my personal angel who knows everything and anything about me. Supports me, even when I do not listen.

I put a random CD in my player and started to drive. Still, in my self-demotivated mood, i was asking Gigi, is that really the way it is gonna be? A car in front of me stopped fast and made me hit the break. Once my car stopped, I was just staring in front of me, when a song on my player started.

Leonna Lewis and Jennifer Hudson- Love is your color
"Ooh Ooh
Just when you think it's over
You're hit with a brand new start
And you found out right there within you
That you never lost that spark.
Love Is Your Color
It makes you shine,
So show your color
It comes from inside.
Some say
But Love is your color,
It makes you shine
Sometimes it's hard to cope
But you'll always know
It's your color
It comes from inside
Everything else is black and white
Love is
Your color
Love is a force that we can't hold back like
Love is a friend
That will hold your hand
Always right there by your side.
Love is a color,
Oh it makes you shine
I know
(I know)
I know
It comes from inside
Everything else is black and white.
Oh no no no no
Love is your color
Love is your color
It makes…"

There, I heard my answer which made me bow in amazement.
Thank you, angels, for an amazing day.
I found myself today.

Our love

I do not remember When I have written this poem. I do not even remember Who I have loved that much......sorry!

You were my tower
you were my stone
You were my lover
my solid throne

My pain is back
heart full of sadness
My pain is back
living in madness

I will always be around
just want to love you
I will always be around
to kiss you and hold you

It has been over a year I have not heard a word from you. It has been hard and sad.
The political system of this world torn us apart. It killed our past but never will destroy our future.
It has been long 12 months and I am willing to wait. You know why? It is very simple. You love, are the one I ever wanted and my heart belongs to you.

Memories of a childhood

Sometimes, I feel like the last 35 years of my life, I have been sleeping. I grew up in a small town. The town is in the middle of nowhere. Town has always been a  rather quiet place. I have never been a child who wanted a lot of attention. I love when I can be alone in my own world.

As a child, I used to go to the forest, walking and wondering around. I loved the fresh air and hugging trees just to feel their power. I felt the sound of shaking leaves were songs of trees. This was a  way of communication with our world. I used to sit by the roots under a huge tree picking up soil in my hands. I love when the soil runs through my hands and falls back to the ground.

I feel like everything in nature has a hidden meaning. I believe trees are the wise elders of the world sharing their wisdom with us. The birds are like angelic creatures to me. Their sound makes me feel amazed and filled up with joy. The wild animals are like the guardians of the earth.

It always brings a smile to my face when I think of how sensitive I am. When I was a child I was an outsider. I never had many friends. I felt like I  was not cool enough. Like I was not smart enough. I just did not fit in. My school age is a time I would like to replace and erase. Growing into a young man, without a father, was the cruelest time for me.

I used to spend 2 months a year at my Granny’s house. If I lived in a middle of nowhere, she lived at the end of the world. My Granny lived in a village where houses could be counted on two hands. Granny was the only one  I loved in our family. She was old already when I met her. She was kind and loved me no matter what.

I do not remember if she was Catholic, or not, but I remember she used to take me to  Church. Sitting next to her in church, her singing was amazing. The reason I loved her so much was her confidence and honest attitude. She never behaved nicely because she was expected to. She behaved nicely because she was a nice person.

One evening she took me to Church. We sat there looking at all the angelic statues in the moonlight. I could see her smiles from a distance. I believe Church made her relax and happy. She was the one who gave me the passion for angels.

One day she was working outside in her garden. I came up to her and she shared a story with me. She was gently caring for the flowers in her garden and harvesting them like they were so important. Sometimes I was a little grumpy and stood in her flowers. She explained to me that flowers are alive and we should approach them with respect. I was told that angels sing to those flowers to make them grow. There would not be life without caring angels, she used to tell me.

When I was around ten years old, I was bullied a lot at school. Classmates where picking on me all the time, laughing at me. It came to a point when I was sitting on a bridge and wanted to jump down. I did and I broke my leg. I never told my Mother how it happened but my Granny knew. She was the only person I trusted and loved.

She took me to a Church and asked me If I saw all the angels around. She pointed some of the statues out to me and asked if I ever felt alone. That  I should imagine the angels coming alive. She encouraged me to imagine how they fly around me with joy. Soon after she died.

She was the one who gave me the spiritual introduction to angels. I know I have not fully understood her, but, it has stayed hidden deep in my mind until now.

After she died I had to get on with my life. I forgot all about angels, all about imagination and meditation about them. I started to work and join the life of working slaves without thinking.

Mostly work got me through the day.

A few years ago,  I met a person. Someone who talked to me about angels, spirit guides, and the universe. I could listen to this person for hours, I never got bored or fed up. My progress was slow. It took me a great deal of time to get where I am now.

So to finish this post, I would like to thank everyone who has helped people like me to open my eyes and mind to see things which stay mostly hidden…..